Thursday, June 15, 2006
Everybody's sian. Life is sian. Maybe it would be better when we grow older//
hoho.i hav decided. i am gonna post a collection of lame/raci$t/stupid/dirty jokes in today's post. hope that it would make your day. prolly i heard from someone, from the net, or some crazy idea from somewhere. i will try acknowledge as much as i can.
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
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Two old friends, Sam and Bob, are baseball fanatics. They live and breathe baseball, they attend 60 games a year, the local bartender calls them to answer disputes regarding statistics, they have attended every World Series game since 1960.
They are getting older and one day, Sam says to Bob. "If you die before I do, will you let me know, if they play baseball in Heaven. I'll do the same for you if I die before you do." Bob agrees.
Two days later Bob passes away in his sleep. Sam comes home from the funeral and lays down for a nap, he's really tired. He drifts in and out of sleep.
Suddenly, there's a heavenly voice saying "Sam! Sam!", Sam is startled awake and asks, "Is that you, Bob?", Bob answers, "Yes, Sam it's me.", Sam asks, "So, tell me Bob, do they play baseball in heaven?", Bob replies "Sam, I've got good news and bad news, what do want to hear first."
"The good news first, Bob." Sam says. Bob replies with "Okay, Sam, the good news is they play baseball in heaven, and the bad news is that you're starting the game tomorrow evening."
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A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the babystarts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and
says "ketchup"
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now let me tell u a dirty joke,
I fall into the mud.
-from.me
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A salesman comes up to a farmer in his barnyard. Next to the farmer is a pig with three legs. As the pig hobbles around, the salesman says to the farmer, "That's terrible! Why don't you put that pig out of his misery?" The farmer drew a deep breath and said, "Let me tell you about that pig. One night, my house caught fire and that pig ran through the house, woke everybody up and got us out safely." "That's no reason to let him suffer!", said the salesman. "That's true", said the farmer. "But there's more. One day, my tractor flipped over. That pig ran back to the house and got help for me. He saved my life." "I'm sure he's very talented", said the salesman, "But look at him. He can hardly walk. Why don't you just take him to a vet and have him put to sleep?" The farmer looked at the salesman and shook his head. "Listen buddy, if you had a pig that was that good, would you eat him all at once?
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Student takes off his pants
A student is taking his final exams. He takes his seat in the exam hall, stares at the questions and then in a fit for inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt, pants and socks.
The teacher, alarmed, approached him and asked what is going on?
"I am only following the instructions -- the test paper states, answer the questions in brief.''
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A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand-new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light.
An old man (about 75 years old) on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny new car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The old man asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the owner.
So the old guy pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, he says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right… but I'll stick with my moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror.
It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly, WHHHOOOOSSSHHH! something whips by him, going much faster.
What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?! the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped.
Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. WHHOOOOSSSHH!
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not 10 seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do.
Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear. The young man jumps out; unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh, my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers softly, "Unhook… my… suspenders… from… your… side-view… mirror."
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Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste Funny
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What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Their middle name
..
i hav more. but some are best left to be told by mouth. hols are almost coming to an end, and my hw still not started. swim competition made it worst. making my time even shorter. sometimes i hope i would stay at 25 forever. no NS. no studying. just play. just fun. with girls. with boys alike. arcade. computer. chit chat. msn. dota. frens. being a noob. being a pro. sleeping. but come to think abt it, if i can stay young forever, i must be dreaming. its fake.
Is there some kind of Dream Friend?
er. dream friend? yea. definitely there will be a dream fren for everyone. HouYes. my dream fren. lets start listing.
my dream fren would be someone who is able/can/is:
- keep secrets
- share some common interest
- have some unique interest him/herself
- definitely not filthy rich sort. well-to-do
- give some unique and true views on a matter
- truthful
- damn free. very 'on' that kind. like midnight suddenly want go supper or sort also can.
- listening ear
- wise advisor
- sports/ music person
- who is open minded.
- who can train with me
- who can stand my nonsense
- who is health conscious
- basically put the good traits/attributes/characteristic in him/her
- also must hav some negative points/attributes but a bit only.
- er, somewhat appealing to eye.
- good fashion sense
- flexible with matters
- something that can double the above is when the person is a girl
- and wad can triple the point b4 this is when i like her.
- something that can double the above two statements is when the girl likes me too. HouYes.
- when he/she knows when to say HouYes
- when he/she can make people(me) laugh
- wad more can i ask for if any of my fren can even possess half of wad i stated?
- wad more can i ask for if i hav one such dream fren with wad is stated in the previous point?
alright. enjoy reading. thx for ur time. today long post. damn long. sry.
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One day you'll be the one crying..# ;
